Mermaid Song or Especially Monotonous Monday in which I postulate about the naming of embroidery floss.

Here is the most math you will ever see in my blog (and it is expressed in words.  Of course): My cross-stitching time is reversely correlational with the number of yoga lessons I attend in a week.

This week was packed with yoga indulgence.  So, I give you a monotonous update in which I stitched with the same colour (“shell gray,” which is actually a purplish hue) all week.

Speaking of “shell gray,” have I ever mentioned the infuriating sadness and inaccuracy of embroidery floss names?  You know when your [insert handy-person minded parent here] dragged you to one of those horrifically dull hardware stores when you were a child, or a teenager, or a university student, or a young adult or any time when you were not my father, and the only mildly fun activity while said parent was picking drywall screws or strange looking plumbing objects was picking out vibrant paint chips and reading the delightfully creative names?  (no?  just me then?)

Well, embroidery floss is not like that.  Despite catering to an exclusively crafty (and therefore potentially or actually creative…) demographic, the names of the thread colours suffer from two distinct, irritating failures:

1. The names, much like Mondays on stupidcrafts, are depressingly monotonous.  Let me give you an example.  Here is a picture of my storage box at the moment.

It is all organized numerically, inspires creativity at a simple glance and is frankly, a little awe-inspiring.  (just me again?  oh poo.)

See those delightful greenish-blues at the top of the second column?   Three of them are called: “Forest Green – Very Dark”; “Forest Green – Dark”; and “Forest Green – Medium”.

If those same colours were paint, they might be called Evening Pine, Mystic Rainforest, Precious Emerald or Mermaid Song (some of these are real paint colours.  I did research.)  Inspiring, if a little sappy.

How can I possibly get my creative juices flowing with names like “Forest Green – Medium”?

2. The next problem, equally aggravating, is the lack of correlation between floss colour and name.  Some names verge on the illogical.  For example, what does “Beaver Gray – Medium” mean to you?  Nothing, right?  Aren’t beavers brown?  Apparently beavers, at least the medium gray ones, are a pale greenish shade (seen above in the upper first column). There is also a colour called “Brown Gray – Dark,” which you would think is pretty much the same thing as Beaver Gray.  Think again.  Those floss-namers are tricky.  It is actually a steely blue-gray hue.

In the bottom of the second column, you will see some pretty shades of blue.  If you look at the third one from the bottom, how would you describe this colour?  If you are Behr, you call it Sailboat or Mountain Blueberry.  If you are embroidery floss colour-namers, you call it “Baby Blue Ultra Very Dark.”  Baby Blue.

Sigh.

PS: I am now on Twitter.  I don’t really know what this means yet.  find me @stupid_crafts.  Maybe I will tweet something?

 

The Breads of Good and Evil + Monotonous Monday

I enhanced my love affair with Joy the Baker this weekend and baked not one, but two of her breads.

First up, the droolworthy orgasmically delicious, extraordinarily unhealthy Cinnamon Pull-Apart Bread on Saturday, which ended up replacing the planned healthy dinner.  This recipe looks hard but is totally easy.  My Tuesday book club will be benefiting from Sunday’s creation, Apple Raisin Flax Bread, which looks easy but takes a long time to put together.  I don’t feel quite so guilty about this one, but it is certainly not a veggie replacement.  I give you the breads of good and evil:

While I waited for my breads to rise/bake, I got a lot done on my cross-stitching project. See that bluish line at the top?  That is the real top of the pattern!! I’ll finish this panel this week and be officially 1/6 complete.  Exciting new stitching adventures await, my friends.

I was trying to think of a new craft I’d like to experiment with this week, and loyal to my true literary love, Jane Austen, I think hat making would be an ideal new hobby– fanciful yet practical, feminine; lace, feathers, bows and ribbons… yes.

Hat making is my new calling. I’m not sure there is much call for this type of apparel nowadays, and I don’t know how to make the hat part of the hat, but I’m all over the bows and ribbons.  I might try it anyways.  I’ll keep you posted!

 

Busy Monday…. welcome to Monotonous Tuesday!

Apologies for the lateness of my cross-stitching update.  I know you were all waiting with bated breath.  (Grammar interlude: “bated” not “baited” because “bated” is short for “abated,” I think.  Also, “breath” not “breathe,” people.  (I hope I didn’t really have to tell you that.)  Here’s what I learned this week: did you know that the phrase “wracked with pain” should actually be “racked with pain,” as a reference to the medieval torture device, the rack?  Hmm.) I was busy yesterday doing the take-home exam for my online course while watching the Bachelor finale.  What an educational combo!   Here’s the progress:

I am almost finished the current panel, so a few more weeks before the excitement level ramps up.  Time for more bated breath.

I made lemon bars this weekend– this is one of my all-time favourite recipes.  I think I like them as much as I like chocolate cake, maybe more.  The problem with this recipe is that I can’t stop eating them, and this actually causes me to get in trouble with my husband, who thinks he should always get at least 50% of whatever I bake.  He only gets about 15% of this recipe.  The proof?  I baked on Sunday evening and this is what is left on Tuesday morning (actually Monday night.. shhhh):

I don’t even feel guilty.

 

Monotonous Monday

Ouch– this past week was a crafting flop.  I didn’t even pick up my cross-stitch until the weekend.  We went to a potluck and I brought *gasp* store-bought baking.  I ate cereal for dinner instead of making the planned risotto. I know, I know, this isn’t exactly the apocalypse, but a good demonstration of my out-of-sorts week.  I spent my time steeling my nerves for cold calls in preparation for my looming unemployment, making said cold calls and recovering from the awkwardness/disappointment that follows. Egads.  My face is getting flushed just thinking about it.

On the bright side, I went to a great West Coast-themed party last night where we dressed like hippies and worked on a collaborative art project.  I think we should all consider making collaborative art projects a regular occurrence.  A friend read my tarot cards (the reading was about the looming unemployment, but seemed to indicate looming re-employment, so I am putting my faith in that).

In search of some creative inspiration, I downloaded some new music (Clogs, Matt Kanelos & The Smooth Maria and The Deadly Syndrome) and started a new novel (The Grass is Singing – Doris Lessing).  What are you listening to/reading this week?

It was another white week on the cross-stitching front, but I think this is the last all-white week (Thank goodness!)  Here’s the update:

 

Monotonous, but could be worse, Monday

Every year, I face the same quandary: watch the Oscars or participate in some more meaningful, entertaining and/or fulfilling activity?  Every year, the Oscars wins and every year I sit, for four hours, wishing I was doing something else.  This year had the added bonus of many, many shots of Colin Firth’s face, but even this was not enough to overcome the horrific hosting and boring content.

All of you can be thankful that I watched, though, because as I watched, I cross-stitched.  Yes, that means four whole hours of work added to the week’s progress!  Just in time for the Monotonous Monday update!

“Wow,” you think, “she must have really made a dent in all that sky stitching she was working on!  Maybe there’ll be some colour added this week!”

That’s right.  I spent all week, plus four hours of the Oscars stitching only in white.  White.  For a week.  Sorry friends.  Even the most exciting of Mondays are still seriously monotonous when they involve giant cross-stitching projects.

I didn’t do any other crafts this week, but when I came across this next craft suggestion a few weeks ago, I was reassured that my blog really does have a purpose in life.  Generally I am pretty tolerant about stupid crafts if they bring a little joy to your life in some way.  Perhaps, after revealing my friendship bracelet obsession I am in no position to judge.  But I can’t resist!!  This craft simply oozes stupid.  I have absolutely no respect for this craft.

Here we go.

T-Shirt Pom-Poms.  Yes.  The blogger, who seems like an otherwise perfectly normal, tasteful individual, whose careful and instructive tutorials are much more detailed than mine, admits that this craft makes a big mess, so be warned, over-eager crafters.  Keep a broom handy.

What are T-shirt pom-poms?  Essentially, you take a perfectly good t-shirt, that even if you don’t wear it anymore, could have been given to someone less fortunate, or worn for cleaning, painting, camping etc.. or could be turned into a perfectly good cleaning rag, and make it into a seasonal decor item.

Not even an especially impressive seasonal decor item.  Just something you hang on your front door for Valentine’s Day, as suggested by the blogger, and then take it down, say, on February 16th.  So you might get perhaps, at most, two weeks of “use” out of said seasonal decor item, then you must pack it away in storage for the next love-themed-quasi-holiday.  Or, if you live in the frozen North (aka Canada or anywhere with snow), you bring in your T-shirt-cum-pom-pom after two weeks to find a tattered, frozen snowball hanging off of an iced-over ribbon. 

Why-oh-why? (rhetorical cry of despair)

Even though it is a waste of good shirts, I dare you to make one and hang it on your door.  Do it.

Your reward? How about a friendship bracelet?

 

Monotonous Monday(s) and the Bonus Prime Minister Game

Not only are my crafts mediocre, my blogging skills are even less impressive.  Sorry about missing the last monotonous Monday, three to five blog-reading friends.  I know you were eagerly anticipating a cross-stitching update.  Missing last Monday has one definite advantage, though.  Now you get to see two Monday pics together, so you can really compare the progress!  Unfortunately, I am currently on the “clouds” portion of the pattern, meaning that I fill in empty white space with tiny white x’s.  What a thrill!  I hope you’re sitting down for this.

Feb 14:

Feb 21:

There you go!  Wasn’t that exciting!  I don’t know how you all waited a whole extra week for that.  Whew!  Better go get a glass of water.

I baked these cookies from Joy the Baker this week.  This was the first time I’ve made sugar cookies in my married life, because I just got a rolling pin this year for Christmas. (I know.. rolling pins cost like $10.  Why did I wait to get one for Christmas?  I think I probably had a spare ten dollars sometime in the last 5.5 years.) They were pretty good, but I made them a little too thin, so they were slightly overbaked, I think.  They were a bit too crispy for my liking.  I made my husband take pictures for me while I baked.  I’m pretty bossy, but he doesn’t mind too much.

I am about to write a special MID-WEEK blog post for you to read!  That is what happens when I get a three-day weekend– I get all productive-like.

BONUS: A wintry sunset picture.  (There is a vent in this picture that looks like Stephen Harper’s head.  See it?)

 

Idea theft, Procrastination and Monotonous Monday

It appears that my blogging attempts are as unoriginal as the crafts I blog about.  I was reading the Globe and Mail the other day and came across this article: a more humorous and well-written version of my insights, published in a national paper.  Sigh.  At least I don’t plan on taking up knitting anytime soon.

All my well-laid plans to write two blog posts last week failed abominably– I don’t even have an excuse.  I do have a simple craft idea for you, though, which I learned from my grandmother when I was a kid.

Some years ago, when I lived on a very restricted budget, I didn’t have money for things like embroidery, cross-stitching and baking.  What I did have was time between split shifts, a notebook I found in the bargain bin at the stationery store and some felt pens and pencil crayons (I believe L would call these markers and coloured pencils).  This is the most relaxing activity ever.

Here is what you do.  Take a pencil or a pen, and draw a squiggle over the whole page, joining the beginning and end of the squiggle after awhile.  For a simple pattern do wide, curving loops that only overlap a few times.  If you want to spend the next several hours/days colouring, do a crazy squiggle that overlaps itself all over the place.

Go over your squiggle with a black felt or black pencil crayon (or some other darkish colour).

Then pick some colours out of your felts/pencil crayons.  I usually choose coordinating colours or rainbow colours, but I’m sure you have more imaginative suggestions.  Then colour in all the little bubbles your squiggle created.  I always try to make it so that the same colour isn’t inside of two adjacent bubbles.  Here are some examples of past work:

Has anyone made these before?  I actually really love how they look when they are finished

Finally, here is the monotonous Monday update.  Can you spot what  is new this week?